Scratching the Creative Itch
Well?
How do you scratch that creative itch behind your ear? That idea that's been lurking in your subconscious since one blob of an idea merged with another blob and made a big enough blob to blab about. That one. This one.
I've never thought of myself as a creative person. In my youth, I'd tell myself, "Creative people don't even have to try! They're so lucky!". Boy, was I mistaken.
Something I've come to learn in my 33 revolutions around the Sun, my Jesus year as I've come to call it since that's when his life changed too, is that VERY few creative folks find it easy or can naturally bring their blobs of ideas into the physical world.
Most of us aren't so lucky.
My First Creative Endeavor: Super Dino
In Mrs. Jones's 1st grade class, I made my first and only comic. Super Dino. Suffice to say, it was a friendly green Brontosaurus (is it still called that?) that would cape up a la Superman when trouble was near. I mention this because that comic was a blob of an idea that I wanted to share with my peers.
So I made it. Brought it into reality. I didn't overthink the storyline, the artwork, or what the reception would be. I just trusted the idea was cool for others since it was cool to me.
I stood at the front of the class, shirt brushing the dusty chalkboard, presenting the first and only issue of Super Dino. There was a little bit of stage fright, seeing their 7-year-old eyes dissect my cover art from across the vast green and scratchy rug we'd play on when we weren't being little shits. I took a shallow, shaky breath; closed my eyes, exhaled slowly through my teeth, then began sharing my blob.
Well, wouldn't you know it, the class LOVED IT! In fact, they were so entertained that Mrs. Jones asked the class in whatever sounding voice she had, "Would you all like David to make another one?". Collectively, my class jeered in excitement. Everyone was thrilled at the prospect of more Super Dino! Everyone but me, that is.
It wasn't my idea anymore. There were expectations now. Could a second issue match the critical acclaim given to its predecessor? Doubt it. Not to mention, I was all out of blobs to write about.
This was the end of Super Dino. And the beginning of my fear of sharing.
Understanding Anxiety: An Ancestral Legacy
Anxiety would continue to work itself into my brain over the years as it has done to humans for tens of thousands of years. We still have our ancestors' brains and that brain is trying to solve our ancestors' problems in a world where those problems exist for only a handful of human populations.
Without starvation, imminent attacks from predators, violent social arrangements, and a slew of other challenges faced by our ancestors, our brains have begun using that same tool (anxiety for those in the back) to solve the challenges of today. Brains can be a bit doofy.
This is when the whole FIGHT/FLIGHT/FREEZE reaction takes place. I'm guilty of using the freeze option for most of my life. The deer in headlights maneuver. It's a good move at times, just not ALL the time. This came in the form of procrastination. I would use an excuse book a mile high to rationalize why I couldn't bring any more blobs out of my head and into reality.
Facing the Roaches: Confronting Anxiety
A therapist once told me that traumas and mental health concerns are the cockroaches of the brain, scurrying around my subconscious and away from the spotlight that is my conscious thought. No one wants to look at a roach. Our brains try their damnedest to make you shine that light AWAY from the roach. It knows you don't wanna look at it. It's trying to do you a solid.
The problem is, you can't just let those roaches have your brain to themselves. Just knowing they're up in your head, running around and making you think or not think about what's really wrong.
Anxiety is a fear of the unknown. Not knowing how a job interview will go. Not knowing if I have enough gas to make it home. Not knowing if Super Dino Vol #2 would be as well received as the first. Would they want a 3rd issue if it was? Then what?!
I've only been able to control my anxiety through looking straight at the roaches I can find with my conscious thought. Staring at it, taking away its power and taking back some of my own.
The Power of Naming and Understanding
Usually, when we can put a label on our issues, they're easier to understand and cope with going forward. Name it, understand it, accept it, move on to the next one. Repeat. Not the most fun, but shining light on that unknown spot is what I've found works for me.
My roaches were the results of an emotionally unhealthy childhood. Bullying was a biggie. Feeling inadequate was my default state for much of my life. Something my Dad struggled with till he kicked the bucket. I didn't wanna follow that path. ESPECIALLY with a child of my own, watching what decisions I make and how I view myself and surroundings.
Therapy and Self-Expression
I've been going to therapy since 2018. I started going because I was struggling emotionally with home and work. Being a new father struggling with an Adderall addiction didn't help, but that's a story for later. Talking to someone neutral who won't judge you is really all talk therapy is. You get the same feeling when you vent to a friend about that schmuck who kept talking over you on the phone. You feel a little better after airing it out, don't you?
All this to say, don't let anxiety and other crap stop you from expressing yourself. Write down that blob of an idea. Maybe it'll merge with another blob in time. Our brains aren't built for today's way of life. Accepting that helps solve part of the unknown. Understanding the rest is where the actual work comes in.
Final Thoughts and Encouragement
Writing is a great way of seeing what roaches have been lingering in your skull. Once you see that roach on paper, you can understand it. Then you can work on squashing that MF'er.
This is that for me. This is my therapy. This is my roach trap.
Hey you. Stay awesome. You're not alone.
Thooper Dave
Summary of GPT edits:
- Corrected punctuation errors such as missing commas and periods.
- Fixed capitalization errors (e.g., "I've" instead of "i've").
- Corrected spelling errors (e.g., "their" instead of "there").
- Made minor adjustments to sentence structure for clarity and readability.
- Corrected possessive form (e.g., "ancestors'" instead of "ancestors").
- Changed "Thooper Dave" to "Super Dave" (assuming this was a typo). Then I changed that junk BACK!
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